The Ugly Side of Loyalty
Lately, I've found myself thinking about loyalty. Not because I've stopped valuing it, but because I've been reminded how easily something beautiful can be used in harmful ways. Loyalty is generally considered a virtue. We want loyal friends, loyal partners, loyal family members, loyal coworkers. Loyalty creates a sense of safety and alliance. It reassures us that we are not alone—that someone has our back, cares about our well-being, and remains committed when life becomes difficult. At its best, loyalty is beautiful. But like many virtues, loyalty has a shadow side. Because loyalty can also become a tool of coercion. I've been thinking about the difference between loyalty that is earned and loyalty that is demanded. Healthy loyalty does not come before lived experience. It grows from it. Loyalty is a product of shared values, mutual care, consistency, and trust built over time. It develops organically through experiences that reveal who someone is and whether they c...